Behind The Beauty

“It felt like we were being punished as she thought we were bad parents" - Living with an anorexic.
by Siobhan Gavin

In the UK, 1 in 100 women aged between 15 and 30, suffer from anorexia. Behind the Beauty spoke to one mother on how she has dealt with her daughter battling with an eating disorder.

Jackie (not her real name) from Leeds had to learn to cope with her 24 year old daughter suffering from anorexia. She explained to us how it affected her relationship with her daughter, her marriage and how she felt as a mother. After suffering for over 9 months Jackie’s daughter ‘Natasha’ confessed her illness.

“My husband blamed me, he told me it was because I was fat and she wouldn’t want to be fat like me.”

There were no signs as her issues with food began before she went to University and she was living away from home by the time any signals could have been noticed.

“She started weightwatchers, I thought it was normal, she was just slimming, she didn’t eat with us as a family, though she’d make things like toast for herself, it wasn’t like she wasn’t eating anything. Her staying in her room just felt typical.”

Jackie explained that her first reaction was shock, then denial; she didn’t know anything about anorexia so she didn’t understand why her daughter would want to live that way.

For Natasha the case came close to resulting in hospitalisation as she was just above 7 stone. 

When Natasha opened up to Jackie the issue could be addressed however nothing was ever the right thing to say. Natasha started watching over cooking times, checking every ingredient which was used and if she didn’t feel in control she would refuse to eat anything.

It was hard for Jackie to constantly remember to be extra careful as it had never been an issue before.

“I encouraged her to hit target weights like getting to 8 stone but she’d scream at me saying you can’t put a figure on it, it’s about how you feel about your body, and anything sensible a mother would say was just felt like the wrong thing.”

Jackie was encouraged to have counselling with her husband for parents dealing with anorexia after reading a book by a man who’d experienced dealing with families and victims of the disease. After family arguments became common the counselling made Jackie realise that it was the way they were saying things that was wrong for Natasha. Natasha’s experience with anorexia lasted around three years.

“She would scream and cry, I want to get better, I don’t want to be like this, but she never changed as not getting fat was more important. She would tell me about chewing on crumpets with layers of butter and jam on it; she’d experience the physical side of tasting the food but then spit it out.”

Natasha was always on a short fume and very snappy with her mother, Jackie as a parent found it very hard to deal with her mood swings.

“After one screaming episode, I felt there is only enough times your daughter can scream at you like that, no matter how guilty I felt.”


www.helpguide.org/mental/anorexia

In a plea to cope Jackie rang up a self-help line for parents of anorexics which helped Jackie to realise her situation wasn’t as bad as others are suffering from and there was still hope.

She also looked into private hospitals to help ‘cure’ Natasha; however the expense stopped it from being an option. At around £20,000 for six weeks rehabilitation and no guarantee of Natasha overcoming the disorder, they would have had to sell the house to cover the costs. 

In Natasha’s case thankfully she has won her battle with anorexia gradually forming back into a healthy routine with food and only referring to the time as an ‘illness’.

As a battle which is being fought across the world constantly, Jackie feels awareness of families coping with a victim of an eating disorder should be stressed in order to acknowledge what it’s like living with anorexia.